Embrace The Light
by Zonex Krypton
Summary: Abandoned by those I love- left alone to die. The utter unjust irony of him getting what I deserve strengthened my resolve. Death was the only way out of my rut of an existence- wasn't it? Zanardi


**Well, here I am with another random one-shot. Orz Hope you like it.**

**And I hope you get who's who in the story. ;)**

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**~*HIM*~**

"Oh my gosh! It's really you! Can I please have your autograph?" I spun around, staring at the teenage girl staring up at me with adoring eyes, ecstatic that she had recognized me. As I smiled back at her and quickly signed the piece of paper she waved in my direction, I couldn't help but wonder how they always managed to have paper and pens with them whenever they caught me.

I immediately berated myself for that thought- hell, I'd heard of superstars signing stuff with tubes of lipstick and stuff. If their weird tendency to carry paper around got me out of signing anyone's body parts, well, hallejullah!

I forced myself to listen patiently as she squealed out all the details of her life I so did _not _need to know.

I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do about the fact that she caught the five o'clock bus instead of the six o'clock one? I didn't even know there was a six o'clock bus until now, hell, where does it go anyway? And does she really think I _care _about which flavor of ice cream she likes best?

I have better things in life to do than to memorize her daily routine by heart- like pulling every hair out of my head till I'm bald maybe?

After a grueling thirty minutes of listening to the silly female, I excused myself and made my way across the city square. I'd had it with being forced to exhibit sympathy for these retards-I'd had enough of them and their stupid, petty lives with their stupid, petty problems.

Didn't they have anything better to do other than ambush me in the middle of my day?

Guess not. I scowled, pulling my hat to cover my head as best it could, shoving my hands into my pockets- trying my level best to camouflage myself with the passersby and hoping to slip away unnoticed.

I just prayed fervently to whatever God was up there that no one else had noticed me. Which was a lot to ask for, considering that pesky female's exuberant outburst. I knew I was being irrational but seriously, what did a guy have to do to get a little peace around here- suicide?

Italians were just so noisy; expecting tranquility in our very own nation was like asking an elephant to stop being nosey! It just didn't happen!

I nodded to a few people I knew and rushed towards my apartment. I had to leave them behind, anything. The craving was growing in intensity. I needed to get back to my addiction.

Back to the only place I could call home now. My mask was slipping away- no one would understand. I raced through the streets, pushing and shoving people away from me as I ran- anxious only to get back home so that I could taste the tantalizing and soothing liquid on my tongue.

Reaching my haven, I slipped inside and rushed to the cabinet where I kept the booze. Unscrewing a bottle, I threw my head back as I tilted the contents down and into my throat.

As it burned its way down my throat, I narrowed my eyes and stared at the bottle. I really should stop drinking this stuff. I _will_ stop drinking this stuff- soon... I glanced into the cabinet and saw that I was down to my last four bottles. Oh well, I'd keep these and then never buy them again.

No point in wasting them really. It's wrong to waste. Wasn't it something along the lines of 'waste not, WANT not'? Well then, maybe if I don't waste this…. I won't want any more of it in the future.

_Who are you kidding?_ My heart spat out, sneering at my attempts to cover up my weak will and I merely ignored it, knowing from experience that it would shut up in a few minutes.

I stumbled to the TV, dizzy from the effect of the alcohol I had just swallowed. I switched the damned, bug ridden contraption on to occupy my mind- anything to keep it from throbbing the way it was at the moment.

The blank screen sparked to life as soon as I hit the button on the remote and I settled myself on my couch, squirming on my seat till I found the best position- the volume blaring on full.

'_And the wonderful blue eyed Italian has done it again! He's scored goal after goal, and guaranteed a sure victory for his team! In a blaze of-'_

I stared at the grinning dark haired Italian as he waved for the camera. Something inside me suddenly snapped and the next few moments were a hazy blur- something inside me noted the crash as I threw the bottle in my hand at the screen, missed and I barely responded as the glass shattered all over the floor after making contact with the concrete wall.

All I could think of was the brunet on the screen, smiling with joy as he made his stupid victory pose.

_Fuck him._

The TV was silent now, funny. Who had turned it off? I didn't remember pulling the plug out of the socket. In fact, I couldn't remember anything at all.

Nothing but that smiling face standing next to the male with the dreadlocks.

So much time had passed. When people say 'it feels like it happened yesterday', they're just seriously fucking themselves up. I feel like it was ages ago- all those memories with them and my old life.

I could almost hear myself laughing along with them, tears made their way to my eyes and I squeezed them shut- I so wasn't going to cry like some stupid fag or worse, a stupid girl. I'm not one of them… I've been dealing with it so far, haven't I?

So what if he'd made it and I hadn't? It hadn't been my fault at all- it had been their fault for telling me to go and take care of my mother when she had fallen sick with some stupid disease or the other. Fuck her too!

And look at that, she was dead wasn't she? She couldn't see her offspring living in a rut while my best friends were living the dreams. I cursed again and then cursed some more in my most colorful language. Knowing two languages was a blessing when you ran out of insults.

So what if she would have died a little earlier? She had left my father, hadn't she? She'd walked out on me to and then expected me to take care of her when she was ill? Of course not- but I'd been an idiot back then.

I'd rushed home and declined the offer from the international team who offered me a position as a midfielder.

I'd given up fame, fortune and my fucking dream for her. Well, I'd learnt my lesson alright. Never again, am I ever gonna give a shit about anyone else but me, but it's too late now, isn't it? No one will take me anymore. That should have been me there- that should be my name those idiots should be yelling out there- not his.

I even lost my bloody girlfriend because of her- like father like son they say, don't they? It was true then- I'd been left alone by everyone I loved. Stupid slutty gold diggers!

They had disappeared as soon as I lost my fame and wealth. Dad even popped his clogs rather than stay with me. Well, fuck him as well, it's great that he died then. He'd never been much of a parent to begin with.

Suddenly, it seemed too much to be able to bear, too much for me to cope with. I'd considered suicide many times before but had always chickened out. It wasn't fair- I deserved to be there with them. I deserved more than what they had- I was better than them. And they bloody turned on me, those fags!

Well, I'll show them! I quickly searched for a knife, anything sharp will do really but the knife symbolizes my signature. A ghost of a smile made its way to my face and curled my lips, I wasn't afraid. I wouldn't take anymore shit from them.

I mean, what did I have to lose anyway? It wasn't like I had any friends or family left who would mourn my death. I was living in a stupid apartment alone discreetly, drinking away my problems and avoiding the rest of humanity as best I could. Lady luck had fucked me up and passed me by a long time ago- it was time to take matters into my own hands.

I'd rather die than live in world as unjust and unfair as this one. Every person who thought otherwise was just a frigging sheltered idiot who couldn't see past the tips of their own noses! I bet they wouldn't understand the truth even if it hit them in the balls!

Smiling through my now trickling tears now, I found the knife and brandished it like the knight I used to be; with courage, determination and passion. This was my way of telling God and everyone that I wouldn't take anymore shit from anyone else.

My pulse thundered in my ears and I could hear my heart screaming at me to slice away. I would have preferred a better way to die, a quicker way. Something less painful but if there was no other option, I'd take this gladly. I wasn't one to be ungrateful.

Not after all that I'd lost.

Just as I was about to make that first cut, the knife on my skin when the door bell rang and I nearly screamed with frustration. I let it ring for a few minutes, faint droplets of blood emerging where the sharp metal was placed against my wrist.

Finally, when the bell rang for the fifth time, I cursed and dropped the knife, letting it clatter to the floor as I made my way across the dirty room, fury and frustration propelling me forwards- rising with every stride.

Flinging open the door, I glared at a girl with stunning green eyes.

I stood there, open mouthed, my abusive dictionary lost as I tried to come to terms with the fact that she was actually standing there before me.

"May I come in?" And without waiting for an answer, the slight blond stepped in, taking in her surroundings until she spotted my hand and the smeared blood. Her green eyes widened as she stared up at me, tears cascading down those pale cheeks as she blinked quietly without making a sound.

I couldn't believe it- she was back. I thought she had died, they had told me she had died after the surgery. What was going on here? Was I already dead and if so, what the heck was I doing in Heaven because there was no way in hell she wasn't there- it just didn't make sense. What was going on?

"Why are you hurting yourself? Don't you remember your promise?" Rushe spoke quietly, her eyes the only indication that she was affected by the sight of me bleeding. I couldn't stand it. She was the little sister I never had- the girl who had died.

"I- I- I'm sorry," I stammered, having no excuse to offer her. I was a wreck of a man- nowhere near the brother she had always loved.

I mentally berated myself. How could I have even thought of suicide? My life wasn't mine to take! And of course, as she had reminded, the promise I had made to her that day before leaving for my mom's place after that call. I had sworn to look at the world through happy eyes. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Forgive me Rushe," I whispered, hanging my head in shame. I heard her give a strained laugh and smile at me through her tears. AT this moment, I didn't care how she had found me, where she had come from or even how she was alive- all I cared about was I had someone to make me see sense.

"I think you need to forgive God first."

And I did, I forgot all about the stupid mistakes I'd made- the sins I'd committed and after such a long time, I felt a smile gracing my mouth. I felt myself embracing the light, coming out from the darkness which had been my shell- my only cover.

What had I been thinking? Suicide was the coward's way out! And I, Fidio Aldena, am in no possible way a coward! I silently vowed to never make her cry again. She was my Heavenly angel- come to help me save my soul before it was too late.

I had been alone for too long and the darkness was horrible. I'd break free with my soul, returning to the light which I had been avoiding for so long now.

She was right, it hadn't been anyone's' fault what had happened. I shouldn't have sunken into depression. I should have acted like a man and done something with my life instead of moping around.

All of this- the drugs, the alcohol, the misfortune; all of it was my fault after that sudden change of luck. It hadn't been their fault for avoiding me at all.

"Anything for you, Ru," I replied, holding out my hand for her to heal as I knew she would, the reverence seeping into my voice. I'd get through this- we'd get through this together. She'd heal me with the new found light- the one which was so soothing- the one we both needed.

It's just as well that she wasn't too late to save me.

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**Okay, the end- I hope you liked reading it. I nearly had a fit when I stopped him from suiciding. It wasn't even planned or anything, I just wanted Fidio to die but he didn't- I couldn't. *I couldn't find a way to fit it in* NOT *I couldn't bear killing him*. I'd rather him dead anyway. :p**


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